Thanksgiving is upon us, so with that, I’ve determined to create a really scientific breakdown of the Massive Ten faculties based mostly on what Thanksgiving meals finest represents them. Eat your hearts out, Land-Grant Holy Land.
Iowa: Dinner rolls
Iowa is simply white bread – it’s there to carry you over till the remainder of the meals is completed, however it serves no different function. It’s superb, however largely it simply takes up area on the desk/schedule that may very well be occupied by one thing higher.
Maryland: Brussels sprouts
Even when they’re actually ready nicely, they’ll be forgettable in comparison with the remainder of your plate. Sure, I understand how final weekend’s sport went. Is anybody going to be speaking about that after subsequent Saturday? On Thanksgiving, they’re merely not price giving up prime plate actual property for.
Minnesota: Do-it-yourself Pumpkin Pie
One thing about Minnesota simply screams “down house Midwestern Thanksgiving at grandma’s,” the identical means that do-it-yourself pumpkin pie does. It may be slightly tough across the edges and it doesn’t at all times look fairly, however it feels conventional.
Nebraska: Creamed corn
Cornhuskers? With two wins? A repulsive dish? It completely wouldn’t be missed if it burned on the range. This one speaks for itself.
Northwestern: Cranberry Sauce (Actual)
If there’s such a factor as mental meals, actual cranberry sauce can be it. Most individuals who need cranberries need it out of a can, and but, the individuals who like actual cranberry sauce will probably be on their excessive horse about its superiority. Let’s face it – Northwestern college students are the intellectuals of the Massive Ten. That is their spot on the Thanksgiving menu. And very like Pat Fitzgerald, it’s likable sufficient to remain on the menu yr after yr as a result of it’s an outdated household recipe that your one loopy aunt nonetheless loves making.
Illinois: Candy Potato Casserole
Candy potato casserole is a basic, however very like Illinois is usually all around the board, so too is nice potato casserole. Some individuals are out right here placing entire yams on a plate. Some are topping them off with marshmallows like slightly get together in your mouth. Illinois is similar means. You understand they’ll be there, however you don’t actually know what you’re gonna get. Will they be bland and boring, merely an compulsory field to verify in your season? Or will they create slightly enjoyable marshmallow motion? You by no means know till you get there!
Indiana: Cranberry Sauce (Canned)
It’s not Thanksgiving dinner with out canned cranberry sauce. You understand the sort – if it doesn’t jiggle while holding the form of the can, ridges and all, I don’t need it. Jiggly cranberry sauce is meals that dances – it’s the lifetime of the get together. There’s not far more to it than that. Indiana won’t at all times have a lot going for it by the use of soccer, however they definitely know throw a celebration, and it wouldn’t be the Massive Ten with out them.
Ohio State: Bourbon Apple Cider
Cocktails will be lovely or they will appear to be one thing bought at Charlie Bear, Land of Dance within the yr of our Lord 2011. However it’s not about how they appear, it’s about how they style. Positive, bourbon burns taking place, however finally, does something make you hotter and fuzzier on the within than a spiked apple cider?
Didn’t assume so. The Buckeyes have some ugly wins this season – however a win is a win, and finally, victory tastes candy and warms your coronary heart, even whether it is served in a kind of clear plastic cups.
Penn State: Tofurky
Turkey thinks it’s the principle dish. Tofurky thinks it’s the principle dish and is snooty about it. However everyone knows tofurky isn’t the true deal. It leaves a bizarre style in your mouth. For many who like that kind of factor, that’s the kind of factor they like, and good for them I suppose. However let’s cease pretending tofurky is pretty much as good as actual turkey. It’s not, and actual turkey isn’t even that good to start with.
Purdue: Mashed potatoes
They’re a staple, however man, can they break your urge for food. There’s nothing higher than a superb batch of mashed potatoes with some gravy. However my God, a foul mashed potato is borderline inedible. With out the suitable butter and seasoning ratio, they’re simply bland and tasteless with a gluey texture. Purdue, equally, is both legitimately good and price taking note of, or they’re so dangerous they’ll make you cry tears of boredom. Typically, all of the gravy on the planet can’t save the day, very like some video games in opposition to Purdue are boring regardless of what number of touchdowns the Buckeyes rating.
What’s stuffing actually? It’s merely stale bread stuffed up a turkey’s butt.
Wisconsin: Inexperienced Bean Casserole
One of many extra polarizing dishes on the desk, folks both love inexperienced bean casserole or HATE inexperienced bean casserole. Individuals’s emotions about Wisconsin additionally appear to fall on certainly one of two ends of the spectrum – there’s hardly ever any center floor with them.
My highschool P.E. instructor used to say, “You’ll by no means fly like an eagle if you’re surrounded by turkeys.” Michigan is the turkey of the Massive Ten. Turkey is the eye seeker of Thanksgiving. It thinks it’s the principle dish, however actually everyone seems to be right here for the perimeters. It doesn’t actually shine till it’s time for leftovers, and you may put it on a sandwich the place the style is masked by all the opposite meals within the sandwich.
Additionally, very like the Thanksgiving turkey goes to get stuffed on Thursday, Michigan goes to get stuffed on Saturday.
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